All These Little Moments
by haleyisafangirl
Summary: A collection of moments of James, and moments of Lily, and moments when they collide. Marauders' Era Jily oneshots all compiled.
1. Mudblood

Mudblood. Mudblood. Mudblood.

Severus had called her a Mudblood. He had called her a Mudblood, and he had meant it, and she hated him. She hated him, she hated him, she hated him.

These were the thoughts of Lily Evans as she ran through the castle, half-blind from the tears pooling in her eyes. She had no clear notion of direction or intended destination; she just had to get away from stupid James Potter, stupid Sirius Black, stupid Marauders, and stupid Severus. She had to go as far away from all of them as she could, and maybe if she ran fast enough she would never have to see them again.

Over and over in her mind played the look on Severus's face as he used that word. Mudblood. He had gone so far from the Severus she had known, the one who had told her she was a witch and supported her through all of the ensuing Petunia drama. That Severus wasn't there know; he had been replaced by hatred and meanness and Dark magic. Maybe she had just fooled herself and he had never been there at all.

Mudblood. Mudblood. Mudblood.

All of a sudden, Lily turned a corner and ran straight into a suit of armour standing there in the middle of the hallway. It was probably the work of Peeves, as it was set up to be as inconvenient and annoying as possible. She rebounded backward a little and fell to the floor. Once there, however, she found she had no energy to get up. She would not be doing any more running today, and she hoped that the running she had done already would be enough to keep her as far away from Severus Snape, James Potter, and the whole lot of annoying fifth years she needed to avoid. Lily inched herself over to the wall, curled up with her arms around her knees, and began crying.

Mudblood. Mudblood. Mudblood.

"Evans?"

Lily had been crying for several minutes when she was jarred from her tears by one of the last voices in the world that she wanted to hear. She looked up quickly to confirm that it was indeed the messy-haired Quidditch-playing git she so desperately wanted to avoid. Upon seeing him, she sprang to her feet angrily and pushed the tears away from her eyes.

"What do you want?" she shot. He busied himself shoving a piece of parchment into his robes, but it wasn't nearly enough time for Lily to calm down even a little.

"I… er… wanted to check up on you."

"Well, I'm fine, thank you very much."

"No, you're not."

"Well, I'd rather not speak with you at the moment-"

"Evans, I'm sorry."

James Potter was sorry?

"He… he shouldn't have called you that. You're so much better than him, and you… you didn't deserve that… and… I guess I just… I'm sorry, too, of course. I was thinking the whole time I was running after you, and he probably wouldn't have done that if I hadn't… you know… so I'm sorry I did what I did, and I'm sorry you had to get involved, and I'm sorry that Severus…" His voice trailed off.

Severus had called her a Mudblood, and she hated him, and she hated James Potter but he was apologizing and trying to make her feel better, and there were far too many emotions inside her. They spilled over in another bout of tears. Lily buried her face in her hands as James rushed forward to hug her, wrapping his arms around her shoulders.

Eventually, her eyes dried out, and she pulled away from James. His smirk was gone, and instead his hazel eyes looked serious and sad and searching, like they were looking for a way to help that they hadn't quite found yet. "Thank you," Lily sniffed.

"No problem," James said, biting his lip. Lily nervously tucked a strand of red hair behind her ear, gave one last fleeting glance at James, and darted back the way she had come. James had helped, certainly, but she still needed to be alone. She didn't deserve his comfort.

Mudblood.


	2. Proposal

"I'm going to propose to her," James confided in his best friend late one December night. Sirius had arrived early for James's small holiday party, consisting of the Marauders and Lily, and when the latter had gone to the bathroom James wasted no time in sharing the news.

"You're going to what?" Sirius confirmed.

"Propose. I'm asking Lily to marry me," James said quietly, a grin spreading across his face.

"You're sure?" Sirius asked.

"Yes, I'm sure!" James cried.

"What are you sure about?" Lily asked innocently as she flitted back into the room and perched herself on the arm of James's chair, giving her boyfriend a swift kiss on the cheek.

"That Moony and Wormtail will be here soon," Sirius said quickly. James gave him a quick, grateful glance before the door was knocked on and the parties in question stepped into the small living room.

Doing things like this was incredibly important to James since the War had begun. "We can't just turn into gloomy little pessimistic soldiers," he had been telling Lily the night before. "We've got to fight, but we've also got to remind ourselves why we're fighting." She had just smiled at him, but it was the genuine smile that showed immense pride and a little bit of being turned on. James knew it well.

Several games of Gobstones and bottles of butterbeer later, it was time for dinner, and Lily went into the kitchen to extract one of the casseroles from the oven where it had been baking. James loved her Muggle way of cooking. "I'll help!" Sirius cried, ignoring Lily's inquisitive glance as he followed her into the kitchen.

"Lily, I have to tell you something very important," he said immediately after the door closed. "James is going to propose soon." Lily's jaw dropped, and Sirius continued the speech he had been mentally rehearsing since James's announcement. "He wants it to be a surprise, but… Lily, there's no easy way to put this: you haven't always been easy on James. He chased after you for years, and there were a lot of times where you really hurt him. If you reject him when he proposes, I don't know what's going to-"

"Of course I won't reject him!" Lily cried indignantly, finally comprehending what Sirius was getting at. "What makes you think that?"

"Well… I don't know, you could always use some rubbish about what use are weddings in times like these, or say something stupid like you aren't ready yet… I just had to make sure-"

"Sirius, I love your best friend, and I fully intend on marrying him as soon as he wants to marry me."

"Lily, he's wanted to marry you since third year," Sirius smirked. He was surprised when, at that precise moment, Lily rushed forward to hug him.

"You're a good friend, Sirius," she said. Then, she turned to retrieve the casserole and, with a little nervous shakiness in her voice, asked, "Are you sure? Are you sure he's going to propose?"

"Lily, I am absolutely one hundred percent sure that he's proposing before Christmas." A huge grin spread across her face, and Sirius shook his head with a smirk. Both walked out of the kitchen and pretended the conversation never happened.

The very next day, James phoned Lily at her Muggle flat and announced that he had made dinner reservations for them at a very exclusive restaurant. Lily ignored the immense pounding of her heart, graciously accepted his invitation, and was out the door to shop for a new dress before James had hung up on the other end.

She chose an understated black dress with simple black pumps at the fifth shop she visited, and by the time James arrived to "pick her up" (which meant to accompany her by Apparition to the restaurant), she had redone her hair and makeup at least a dozen times and doubted her clothing twice as much. James gaped at her for a moment after she opened the door to the flat, and Lily frantically checked for anything wrong, but James just shook his head and smiled. "You look lovely," he squeaked.

He was nervous, and that made Lily even more nervous, a feat which she hadn't thought possible.

Dinner was unusually tense, and Lily had to excuse herself to the loo three times to get a grip on her behavior. She downed at least five glasses of water, too nervous to stop drinking but anticipating to the "moment" too heavily to actually drink. James appeared to be doing the same, as he had butterbeer instead of firewhiskey.

A few moments after dessert, it started.

"Lily, I… I really, really love you, you know. And I…"

"Yes!" Lily cut him off before slapping a hand over her mouth. It had momentarily slipped her mind that protocol dictated she should wait for the question before answering it.

"Yes?"

"Sirius told me," she exclaimed breathlessly. James cursed under his breath.

"That little… I had a whole speech planned, and I had the most brilliant line at the end. 'I don't want to be able to call you Evans anymore.' It was going to be… ugh, and Sirius… I can't believe him, that's just absolutely…"

"James, dear, we're getting married. The least you could do is act a little excited." At that, all the anger faded out of James's face and was replaced by joy. He quickly pulled out the ring and slipped it onto Lily's finger before both stood up and snogged like mad.

The proposal hadn't been perfect, but it didn't matter, because they were perfect together anyway.


	3. Hospital Wing- Round 1

Whenever he walked into a crowded room, James Potter's eyes had a knack for finding Lily Evans within two seconds.

Such was the case as he walked into the Gryffindor common room on the morning of May 29. Padfoot was busy staring at Marlene McKinnon, a habit of his, Peter was rambling on about a Potions essay Slughorn had assigned, and Remus was anxiously looking at the Map, but James Potter was looking straight at Lily Evans. She was slumped over in an armchair in the corner of the room, head resting on a textbook and red hair in a tangled mess all around her. While the rest of the Marauders headed down to breakfast on that Tuesday morning, James mumbled something of an excuse to them and sauntered over to Lily. As he walked, he shot a rubber band at her, and it hit her in the back of the head.

"Wha… what?" she said drowsily, sitting up a little. She had been fast asleep within her textbook, and James immediately regretted hitting her with the rubber band.

"Morning, Evans," he said with a smirk.

"Potter… what time is it?"

"About eight."

"Oh, no! I was going to study more before breakfast, and I've absolutely got to finish this essay..." Every word seemed to take a tremendous amount of effort because of how tired she was; her brain was too sleepy to function properly.

"Lily, I think it would behoove you to go back to bed."

"Don't be ridiculous, Potter. I've got to go to Ancient Runes…"

But as Lily tried to stand up from her chair, she was only able to take two steps toward her dormitory before collapsing on the ground.

"Evans, what's wrong?!" James cried, kneeling down beside her. "Are you feeling all right?" He anxiously leaned forward and placed the back of his hand to her forehead. It felt like fire. "My word, Evans, you're burning up! We've got to get you to the hospital wing-"

"No," she protested, but it sounded more like a groan than actual words. "I can't… I have to go t-to class, a-and…"

"Nope." James wouldn't hear another word on the subject; Lily was absolutely miserable, and her happiness was more important than some stupid essay or project or whatever was going on in class. "Let's get you to the hospital wing," he said, and gently grabbed her arms and lifted her back into the chair. Then, squatting down in front of her, he let Lily fall forward onto his back. She buried her head into his shoulder as he rose and gave her a piggyback all the way through the corridors and to the hospital wing.

"Madame Wilkins," James cried as he forced open the door with his foot. "Lily Evans is sick."

In the next twenty minutes, Lily was asked what was wrong, how she was feeling now, when she had gone to sleep, and a matter of rather annoying questions. James's side of the story was ignored; Madame Wilkins did not have great respect for the boy who had landed at least four students in the hospital wing due to "hexes gone wrong".

At long last, Lily was proclaimed to have the flu, and to have worsened her symptoms by stressing herself out over schoolwork and staying up far too late doing essays and the like. James had been right in his predictions and assumptions about her illness, but Madame Wilkins ignored that, and he did not bring it up.

As Lily was given a potion and got settled into her bed, James pulled up a chair and sat next to it. "You can't stay here, Mr. Potter," Madame Wilkins informed him.

That was absolute nonsense. "I don't think I want to leave her, thank you."

"Mr. Potter, you have classes today."

"Well, I'd like to make certain Lily is okay. She is my girlfriend, you know." James smiled inwardly; the whole school had to know that it wasn't true, that Lily Evans thought he was the biggest prat in the world, but the excuse was as good as any.

"No, I'm not, Potter," Lily mumbled angrily from the bed, but James just laughed.

"Your illness must be making you delirious, love. You've fallen madly for me. You told me four times just yesterday that there was no one you'd rather be with."

"No, I didn't."

"Poor thing," James said condescendingly, smiling up at Madame Wilkins, whose lips were pursed into a thin line. "Too sick to even remember her own boyfriend." The nurse seemed to hesitate for a moment, then gave James a fleeting smile and walked away, back into her office. Whether or not she had believed his story wasn't clear, but her leaving had made one thing certain: he could stay with Lily.

"Potter, I'm not your girlfriend," Lily continued to protest from her bed.

"No, you aren't," James agreed. "Not yet."


	4. Nightmares

James had very intentionally showered up in the locker rooms after Quidditch practice rather than waiting until he got back to the dorm. He was looking forward to the look on Lily's face when he got back fresh as a daisy and smelling impeccable (she always complained of his stench), rather than mud-covered and smelling like a troll. When he arrived at the Common Room, however, he was disappointed to find that she was asleep.

Unfortunate sleeping habits had become increasingly common as the year went on, because Lily was a very hard worker and had been extensively preparing for N.E.W.T.s. James, of course, had been prodded to do his fair share of studying by the ever-nagging girlfriend, but he had never taken it as seriously as she did, mainly because of Sirius. He found Lily that night with her head literally in a book, sitting in a chair but with her head on the table in front of her, sound asleep. He sat down across the table and waited.

Slowly, the other students in the Common Room began filtering out. The light outside the window went from yellow to orange to dim gray, and then faded entirely. Still Lily was not awake, and still James was unwilling to wake her. He considered pulling out his own books and studying himself, but thought better of it and sat lost in silent thought instead.

Suddenly, after who knows how long of James sitting and waiting, the redhead shot up, looking extremely frightened. James instantly knew something wasn't right. "Lily? Lily, what's wrong?" he asked.

"I… I…" But she couldn't get out whatever it was before she started to cry.

"Come here," James said softly, and Lily seemed to use every ounce of energy in her to move from her own chair to James's lap. She buried her face in his shoulder and sobbed harder than ever while he stroked her back with one hand and held her hand with his other. "What's wrong?" he asked again, as gently as he could.

"I h-had a n-nightmare. I-it was awful. You and I were ma-married-"

"No need to be so affectionate, Evans," James teased. Lily didn't even giggle, but went on with her story.

"And he… he came for us, and he was going to k-kill m-me, bu-but you… you stepped i-in front of me and s-saved me, but you… he killed you a-and-"

"Shh," James whispered, pulling her back into him in what he hoped was a reassuring hug. "Don't worry. Nothing will happen to me."

"You don't know that," Lily argued.

"Well, I'm going to say it anyway." They were silent for a minute. "I think you should go back to sleep," James finally said. "You were exhausted-"

"But what if…" James understood the rest of the sentence before it was even out of her mouth. She didn't want to have another nightmare.

"Come sleep with me, yeah?" Lily just nodded and he led her up the staircase to the boys' dormitory, where the rest of the Marauders were sleeping. "Here," James said, offering her one of his larger tee shirts for pyjamas. She nodded shyly and closed the curtains of his four-poster to change while he did so outside the bed.

"Oi, Prongs," Sirius said from the next bed. "Thought we had a no girls rule."

He was promptly hit in the face with a pillow. "Shut up, Padfoot." In a minute both James and Lily were changed and squeezed into the tiny bed together. James put a protective arm around Lily, his Lily, and kissed her forehead softly. "Go to sleep, love, okay?" She nodded again and closed her eyes, and her breathing deepened as sleep overtook her a few minutes later.

It wasn't fair. As James lay there awake and staring at the ceiling of his four-poster, that was all he could think. It wasn't fair that such a beautiful person should have to deal with such fear all because Voldemort had decided he wanted her to. Lily didn't deserve this. No one deserved this. It just wasn't fair.

James's anger was just beginning to subside enough for him to fall asleep when Lily sat up quickly with a little scream. "Evans…" groaned Sirius, but James paid him no heed and sat up next to Lily.

"What was it this time?" he asked gently, rubbing her back.

"The same th-thing, mostly," she choked out in a whisper. "But this time, he… he was a-after our b-baby-"

"You and Prongs are having a kid?" Sirius interrupted loudly.

"Padfoot…" James warned, and suddenly the next bed was very quiet.

"And you… h-he killed y-you again, and... and," Lily could speak no more as tears began streaming down her cheeks.

"It's okay," James whispered, trying to console her. "I'm right here. It's okay."

"I'm so scared," Lily said quickly, catching his eye and cutting off his stream of comforting words. She looked away just as quickly and leaned into him, taking a deep but shaky breath. "Just tell me everything will be all right."

"Everything will be all right," James said. It wasn't a promise. It wasn't a plan. It was a hope, but it was the only thing they had. With that hope Lily nodded and lay back down. James followed, his arm still tight around her, and the two eventually drifted off to sleep.

It wasn't fair.


	5. Hospital Wing- Round 2

"Lily!" Lily Evans anxiously looked around the Great Hall for the source of the frantic-sounding shout. Peter Pettigrew was running toward her with a look of pure terror on his face, and she was up and running to meet him before you could say spilled pumpkin juice.

"Peter, what's wrong?"

"James," the poor boy panted. "Hospital wing."

Lily didn't need to hear anything else; she took off running for the hospital wing and her boyfriend. Whether or not Peter was following was uncertain, but one thing was sure: she had to get there as quickly as possible. She was running at such an incredible pace that when she arrived, the door flinging open, she was quite breathless. However, she summoned the last bit of strength in her and sprinted to a bed around which were gathered the other two Marauders and Professor McGonagall.

"James," she whispered when she saw him, her hand flying to her mouth. James Potter was having terrible fits, shaking and occasionally crying out loudly, unable to stop his body from writhing about and obviously in a tremendous amount of pain.

"Hey, Evans," he croaked before groaning. "Sit." She walked, shaking, to a chair at his bedside and sat down. He held out his hand and she grabbed it tenderly.

"James…" she said, willing her voice to stop quivering. "Everything is going to be fine."

"I like the way your voice sounds," he said with gritted teeth, smiling at her. It looked more like a grimace. "Talk more." He had just barely choked the words out when he was overtaken again by another fit of screaming.

"Um, well… you were brilliant in the match on Saturday. I was studying afterward, and then I was feeling a bit under the weather, so I haven't really had the chance to talk to you about it... I really liked that one play where you, er, aimed for the highest hoop, didn't you? And then it was a fake, and you shot it at the lowest, and Samson didn't know what had happened until he finally caught up to the cheers."

"What did you think of the Viper?"

"Viper… that's a defensive one, isn't it? Well, I guess I liked it, but when you're on defense it's much harder to pay attention to what you're doing. I'm not that great at quidditch, you know, but I do love watching the matches. I think Saturday was the fastest I've ever seen you fly…" her voice trailed off as James began wailing again, drowning out whatever she was going to ramble about. Madame Wilkins frantically reached out to keep his limbs from thrashing, and finally he calmed down, shaking and breathing heavily in between fits.

"Boys," he said to the three other Marauders (Peter had returned sometime during Lily's quidditch rant), "you three are the best friends anyone could ask for." They nodded solemnly; Lily had never seen them look so serious.

"Lily," he said, looking over at her and grimacing, "I love you."

She rolled her eyes at him, talking like he was on his deathbed. "Yes, you do, and I love you, but what does that have to do with anything?"

"Well, just in case I-"

"James bloody Potter, I love you, you're a prat, and you're going to be fine. Now shut up." He complied and was silent, but Lily thought she could detect a bit more of a twinkle in his eyes. "Madame Wilkins," she said, looking up at the nurse and realizing that she was simply staring down at James, who promptly began another fit. "Why aren't you doing anything?"

"Dear," the nurse said nervously, "I've tried everything I know, every potion we have… I'm doing my best but…"

"No, you're not doing your best, because you're not doing anything! Can't you see that he's in pain?! Help him!" Lily ordered sharply.

"Evans," James croaked. She looked over sternly, still feeling rather angry after seeing that Madame Wilkins wasn't doing anything. "You're cute when you're angry." She sent him a silencing glare and rolled her eyes at his moronic behavior, but couldn't fight at least a little bit of a smile.

All of a sudden, the doors to the infirmary burst open and Dumbledore strode quickly into the room, followed by a team of what appeared to be Healers from St. Mungo's. "James," Lily explained, as her boyfriend had been taken captive by another fit, "Healers from St. Mungo's are here. Everything is going to be fine," she reassured him. The team bustled about him with various instruments and bottles, checking things and taking levels and generally making a lot of commotion.

Lily caught sight of one of the Healers looking at another and shaking his head, and that was when the reality of the situation came crashing down on her: James was not even remotely close to okay. "James," she found herself whispering as tears brimmed in her eyes. "I've got to… take care of something… I'll be right back, okay?" she said quickly. He groaned, but she was about to start crying, and she couldn't let them see that. He was the one who was hurt, and she was the one who had to be strong, so she ran into Madame Wilkin's office and slammed the door shut.

"She's gone to cry, hasn't she?" James asked to anyone who would listen to him. All three of the Marauders nodded grimly, and James grimaced, partially from the pain and partially because he hated for Lily to be sad. "Would someone mind opening the door?" he choked out. "I'd like to… to speak with…" But at this point, Professor McGonagall had already rushed over to the office and opened the door gently. James shouted from the pain, but in between the yells from the pain, he shouted for Lily. "Evans!" he called. "Come cry… out here please!"

She appeared at his bedside moments later, face blotchy and eyes puffy. "Hey," he said breathlessly, squeezing her hand rather tightly.

"I'm sorry," she whispered before beginning to cry again.

"Don't be," he said, but the pain was finally too much, and he could do nothing but hold his girlfriend's hand as she cried.

They both only caught snitches of the conversation between the Healers, but what they did hear made them wish they hadn't. Varieties of "powerful Dark magic" and "cursed object" were murmured in hushed tones throughout the room. Lily thought she couldn't bear to hear any more, but she knew she couldn't just leave. The Marauders stood off in one corner, still looking as solemn as ever, and McGonagall was wrapped up in conversation with Dumbledore.

Eventually, one of the Healers spoke up to the room at large. "We're going to have to move him to St. Mungo's," he said. "Students, you should probably go back to class." The Marauders obviously started at this and began listing reasons why they should be allowed to stay, but McGonagall quickly shoved them out the door.

"You'll have to go too," one of the Healers said rather rudely to Lily, who stood up and practically flew at him in all of her fury.

"I'm sorry, but that git is my boyfriend, and I am not going anywhere or doing anything until he is okay, understood?"

"God, you're sexy," James muttered from the bed.

"Shut up, you," Lily said with a glare, but the corners of her mouth twitched upward and a stupid grin threatened to spread across her face. That was her James, fighting to hold onto his wit and his smirk and his general being an idiot when he had clearly been the victim of an incredible amount of Dark magic.

Eventually, Lily was stubborn enough that she was able to side-along Apparate to St. Mungo's with Dumbledore as the Healers transported James.

She did not know how long she had been sitting in one of the waiting rooms, crying, when James's mother showed up. All she knew was that when the tall, graceful woman appeared in front of her, Lily rushed forward and embraced her. Mrs. Potter was crying then as well, but she was allowed to speak to the Healers after a while because she was family. Lily thought that wasn't fair because she fully intended on having a family with James one day, but arguing would be impossible in her current emotional state, so she kept quiet. As evening fell, Dumbledore offered her a Chocolate Frog, but she refused. Her stomach felt like it was tied in knots that would never be undone by any spell.

McGonagall eventually showed up and tried to convince Lily to come back to school, but she remained firmly planted in her chair. It took all of her emotional power to argue this point with McGonagall, but she knew that James would have done the same for her, so she was allowed to stay, halfway between crying and sleeping, in one of the armchairs in the waiting room.

He didn't deserve this. He didn't deserve to be in this much pain. He deserved smiles and laughter and goofing off with the Marauders and eating treacle tart until he felt like he would burst. He was kind, and he was a prat but he was good, and Lily only wished that she had been able to have more time with him. She had known him for years, but never in the way that she knew him now, and she wished that she hadn't been so blind before.

Her reverie led her gently into sleep, but nightmares of James in the hospital wing and attending to James's funeral and James telling her that he had lied about loving her kept rousing her again and again. It was about three in the morning when she felt a tap on the shoulder.

It was one of the Healers, a short, blonde woman who had barely spoken while James had been in the hospital wing. "You can come see him now," she said quietly. Despite having been sleeping, Lily sprung up from the chair with sudden energy and practically sprinted down the hall with the Healer.

When Lily walked in, James was arguing with the rude Healer who had tried to keep Lily at Hogwarts. "I'm sorry," James was saying without sounding sorry at all, "but I'd like to go tell my girlfriend that I'm all right." The Healer tried to say something about needing rest, but James wouldn't have it, and he pushed past the Healer just as he was attacked by Lily in one of the fiercest hugs he had ever received. As soon as he realized what was happening, he wrapped his arms around her waist and buried his face in her lovely ginger hair as she buried hers in his shoulder. When they finally separated, she was crying. "It's okay," James whispered with a small smile. "I'm fine."

"What was it?" she asked, still nervous, jittery, and very much upset.

"Not really sure; I think I was under the Imperius whenever whatever it was happened."

"I'm so sorry," Lily said.

"Why?"

Lily looked a little indignant at this. "Because you were in so much pain!" she shouted at a whisper. "You… and it's been hours… and you must've been so scared…"

"See, I'm totally fine with it," James said with a smirk.

"How?"

"Well, I'd been trying to find a way to tell you I love you for weeks, and I just couldn't think of a good way to say it for the first time. But then, I thought I was going to die, so I kind of had to, and now that I'm not dying, I get to say it all I want without worrying." Lily rolled her eyes but smiled, and, completely ignoring the Healers' instructions, sat down next to James on his cot. He wrapped his arm around her and gently planted a kiss on her forehead, and as she leaned into him her heavy eyes closed and sleep overtook her once more.


	6. Pregnant

James Potter barely had time to register the warmth of his home before he was nearly knocked to the ground by the force of his wife's hug.

"What the hell were you thinking, staying out this late?" she shouted when she pulled away, rubbing her arms a little to compensate for the cold coming in through the open door. James shut it behind him and began hanging up his coat and hat before answering.

"I told you to not wait up," he replied, and Lily could have smacked him she was so furious.

"You know I can't go to sleep when you're out there, fighting and in danger and doing who knows what! You could've at least tried to call or sent me a Patronus or something. Honestly, what kind of mission were you on that took you ten hours?"

"Are there leftovers from tonight in the fridge? I'm famished," James said politely, looking over at the kitchen.

"I didn't make anything."

"Why not?" At this James actually looked concerned, and Lily had to stifle an angry laugh.

"So when I worry myself sick about you being out way too late, you're not concerned, but when I skip dinner suddenly something's terribly wrong?" she exclaimed incredulously. "James Potter, you are a prat if I ever met one." Upon the realization that there was no food, he had sat down in the makeshift office in the living room and started work on the typical post-mission paperwork, but turned at this remark to look at his wife. She had begun crying, but was trying to force back the tears with the heels of her hands. He stood up, grabbing them gently to bring them away from her face, and kissed her on the forehead.

"I'm sorry," he said gently. Lily smiled weakly at him as a sign that all was forgiven as long as he wall all right, and he kissed her again, fully and softly on the lips.

"Were you careful?" she whispered. He just nodded, then laughed and scooped her up into his arms, carrying her up the stairs and dropping her into the bed. It was the kind of lighthearted, laughter-inducing manner that helped them both recover after a particularly difficult mission. James had a quick shower and teeth brushing while Lily changed into pyjamas, which were usually entirely comprised of James's old tee shirts and boxers.

"Goodnight," he whispered, leaning over to kiss his wife on the forehead as he joined her in bed. "I love you."

"Love you, too," she said, but James could tell that something else was weighing on her mind. Thinking she was still worried about his late mission, he attempted to console her.

"Lily, I really was careful tonight. Really, it only took so long because we were so careful. And Moody wouldn't let me message you, otherwise you know I would've sent word in a heartbeat that everything was fine… I really am sorry about everything."

"I know." She smiled again at him, but it looked more concerned and upset than genuinely happy.

"Then why are you still upset?"

She bit her lip for a moment. Lily had always had a habit of biting her lip whenever she was nervous. Just before a big exam back in the Hogwarts days, or while making an important decision during Order meetings, or during anything that made Lily even a little apprehensive, she always bit her lip. It was one of the eighteen thousand things that James knew and loved about her.

She took a deep breath. "I'm pregnant."

James sat up quickly, and she followed suit, looking anxiously into his face for a response. "Pregnant?" he asked after a tense, stagnant moment of waiting.

"Yes. It means we're going to have a child."

"I know what it means," he snapped quickly. Lily scowled. "When did you find out?"

"This afternoon." James was so shocked that he was mute, an absolute rarity in the household and one that Lily didn't take well. After another moment of waiting for James to say something, she stood up from the bed and made for the door.

"Where are you going?" James asked quickly. His brain was taking a while to process the rather big news of an imminent child, but it processed the fact that Lily was leaving much faster.

"You know, James," Lily said irately, turning around to face him, "I have got a person inside of me, and that is wonderful and terrifying all at the same time, and I would really appreciate it if you would stop being a prat and help me, for Godric's sake. When you're done sulking, I'll be downstairs." She slammed the door.

Lily was pregnant.

He was going to be a father.

They were going to have a child.

As the news finally sunk in, James realized that he wasn't nearly as consumed by happiness as he should've been. He knew Lily needed his support, and that he should be thrilled that they were going to have a family, but those things weren't in the forefront of his mind.

He was absolutely terrified. It wasn't the thought of raising a child in the midst of a terrible and violent War, or the fact that as part of the Order, Lily would be expected to go on missions that could endanger the child inside of her. It wasn't the possibility that one or both of them could be killed any day now and leave their child parentless. James was very much afraid of all of those things, but he had already thought them over a thousand times in his head and realized that, if Lily got pregnant, he would lock her in the house in order to protect her and their baby. As for the possibility of his death, he was making a better world for his wife and kid, and he had to fight, and there was really nothing he could change about his involvement in the War.

So, while Lily Potter worried about all of those things downstairs, James Potter was consumed by an entirely different fear.

When he came downstairs, Lily was sitting on the couch, crying with her face buried in her hands. He sat next to her and put an arm around her shaking shoulders. At the gesture, she appeared to remember that she was terribly angry with him, and slid away, crossing her arms and forcefully wiping away the tears.

"I was scared," he explained sheepishly.

"Well, yes, I'm scared, too, but-"

"What if it doesn't want me?"

All was silent and tense for a moment as Lily finally looked up into James's glistening eyes. "What?" the ginger asked, confused.

"Lily, you're never not the nicest person in the room, and there isn't a bone in your body that doesn't constantly want to help someone. You're going to be an amazing mother, but… but I… I…" Lily reached forward and wrapped her hands around James's neck while she crawled into his lap. James hadn't been worrying about the War, or about the Order, or about how anything with Voldemort would affect their child; he had been worrying about being a good father, and that in and of itself was proof to Lily that he would be a great one. James understood that he couldn't change anything about the War or their involvement in it, so he was trying to make life within the War as good and joyful and full of light as it could be. It had been his way for as long as she could remember, and she knew that their child would be as happy as possible with James as its father, despite the terrible circumstances.

"James," she said quietly. "I fell in love with a man who can make me laugh in almost any situation, who cares more deeply about people than anyone I've ever met, who is the absolute biggest prat I've ever known…" James smiled weakly at this. "And who is going to make a wonderful father."

"You don't know that," he argued. "Even today I was away too long with the Order… and I don't know anything about being a… being a proper dad…" He seemed to be fighting back tears, but Lily looked at him and nodded to let him know that being afraid was all right. She was afraid, too, though it was about completely different things.

They sat crying together on the sofa for a long time, consumed by fears unique to the tumultuous and terrifying state of the Wizarding World and fears that any future father could describe. They were just nineteen, and there was a War going on, and Lily was one of the primary targets just because she was the child of Muggles, and she and James made themselves bigger targets by joining the Order, and they were bringing a child into all this mess and they were scared. Fear has a habit of reducing oneself to its weakest state, making a person feel like he or she is a defenseless little kid, which in James and Lily's case, really wasn't too far off the mark. They were just nineteen.

Eventually, the tears subsided, and James looked desperately at his wife, needing to be comforted. "Everything will be all right," she whispered.

"But what if I'm not a… a good enough… dad?"

"James Potter. You are going to be a wonderful father because that is who you are, and I don't want you to doubt that for another second, do you hear me?"

"But-"

"Really, James. You are brave and fun and joyful and the most loving person in the world."

"I'm pretty sure the most loving person in the world is sitting in my lap," he contested. Lily rolled her eyes.

"Love is a choice," Lily told him, "and you've chosen love your entire life. You chose to love Remus when he thought he didn't deserve it, you chose to love your dad when he most definitely didn't deserve it, and you chose to love me when I was absolutely horrible to you for years. You've chosen love so much that it has become a part of who you are, and I know that you are going to be an amazing dad." He nodded.

He was going to be a father and there was nothing he could do about it. But James Potter decided then and there that he wasn't only going to be a father; he was going to love his child, because the world and Lily and his child all needed a little love.


End file.
